Amazing Parenting Skills

It never fails to amaze me how the probability of some minor catastrophe befalling myself or my children increases exponentially the moment my husband walks out the door. Seriously, Kyler kisses us all goodbye, walks out the door, drives down the road, and inevitably something (or someone) crashes to the floor.

Today was no exception. Kyler was speaking at the Upward intermissions (the kids' sports program our church hosts) so he had to head out just before lunchtime. We've been doing some major cleaning this weekend, so we were all up in the master bedroom, up to our eyeballs in boxes of give away, give back to..., get rid of, and to be filed/sorted. The weather is absolutely gorgeous this weekend, so we had the master bedroom windows up (they're screened - don't worry, no one fell out!), and the boys were amusing themselves by listening to all of the outdoor sounds and talking to the neighbors' dogs.

Kyler left just as we were about to head downstairs for lunch. Kayden was reading a book on the floor, and Cam was playing with all of the piles of laundry in the hallway, so I ducked into our room for a quick bathroom break (remember, I'm pregnant...this was not an optional "wait it out" scenario!) :) Then I heard the crash, and Kayden says, "Uh oh. It's all wet!" I'm stuck in the bathroom, rushing like mad to get myself put back together and into the bedroom and make sure everyone is okay.

I found Kayden standing at the window, covered in water, glitter, and glass. Yes folks, glass. Somehow...(I've long since stopped trying to figure out how little boys get into things they shouldn't - especially mine - it's genetic.) Somehow, Kayden managed to get ahold of a tiny Winnie the Pooh water globe that was on one of the upper shelves in our bedroom (in like 3.0 seconds mind you - remember, he was innocently reading a book on the floor when I went into the bathroom...), take it over to the window, and break it against the window sill. Granted, he didn't do it on purpose, that's just not Kayden's M.O. Who knows what happened.

So he's standing there, stiff as a board, saying, "I'm all sticky." Indeed he was, and there were shards of glass everywhere. Praise the Lord Cameron had not heard this little fiasco from the hallway, and came in to check it out only after he heard my "Oh, Kayden!" (which I actually hear was a common response from Kyler's mom: "Oh, Kyler!" (common enough that when he got a bit older, Kyler went ahead and said it for her when he dropped something or made a mess!))

Needless to say, we got it all cleaned up no problem. No shards of glass in anyone's feet, just a bunch of sticky glitter all over the window, floor, and Kayden. When it was all taken care of, we headed down for lunch. I called Kyler to lament the fact that he always seems to miss these lovely mishaps, and he responds by telling me that (while he feels sorry for me, he really does...) it's all due to his "amazing parenting skills." See, he manages to circumvent all of these sorts of issues by preventing them with these mad skills of his in the first place. So, ladies and gentlemen, when you hear my husband is on the talk show circuit for his new book and lecture series on Amazing Parenting Skills, by all means, listen up! After all, you can't buy this sort of thing at Wal-Mart. These babies are cultivated by years (a whole 2 years and 10 months!) of parental practice and honing in on pure genetic talent. :)

Nevermind that he himself was the source of many a minor catastrophe growing up. I can hear his mom now: "Oh, Kyler...." :)


Anonymous said...

Congratulations on Baby #3!! It is hard to believe that you and Kyler will be celebrating your 5th anniversary next month. I love getting your family letters. They are so uplifting and make me smile. This was especially needed since I have spent the past several weeks with my father in the hospital fighting cancer. I was glad to hear that you got to sub at Lovettsville. Did you like it? Did you sub for Kristie and Stephanie? Did you meet Jodi Hildebrand? I always wished that Jodi and I could have taught on the same team but it was not meant to be. I think God put me in Louisiana for a purpose and have been blessed to work with some wonderful students and teachers. We still have a long way to go to match Loudoun's facilities though! Loudoun Schools do have a lot going for them. It seems to have worked out for the best as far as the teaching job since you have a new baby on the way! They are such miracles! I am glad that your folks have been out to visit and that you got to go to Texas for Christmas. Well better run! Thanks for sharing your wonderful family stories.

Anonymous said...

Kyler would compliment his own parenting skills. But I am pretty sure you aren't doing too badly yourself :) The "Oh Kyler" thing made me laugh too! Poor Heather, you lead such a dull, boring life!!