"Not Me!" Monday

Embarrassed that a total stranger pointed out the baby spit-up on your blouse at the grocery store? Too exhausted from being up all night with an infant to say "no" to a Curious George video...for the third time in a row? Wondering if anyone else's kids enjoy coloring every blessed thing in the living room yellow? No worries! "Not Me!" Monday was written just for you! Here is where I admit some of my imperfections, and vent about the parts of my week I'd rather didn't happen in the first place. Feel free to join in the fun in the comments below!

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In just the past week, I have not developed a total obsession with Naked juice. That's Naked brand juice. Not that naked juice would be improper...it's juice, after all. It just sounds a little weird. Which is probably the point...a total marketing ploy. Smart, actually. Anyway...

Part of last week's "Not Me!" post involved Kayden, a huge puddle of urine, and my bare feet. You may recall that - for only three seconds, mind you - I reacted rather strongly to Kayden's two-in-one-day-accidentally-on-purpose-enormous-puddles-of-urine-right-in-the-doorway-of-the-bathroom-in-a-span-of-mere-hours "demonstrations." However, my reaction was in fact not so cemented in my precious three-year-old's mind that he actually boycotted me from helping clean up this week's accidents (when Dad was home - oh yes, there were several). Oops. Not my finest three seconds of parenting.

Additionally, I am a responsible mother who only has the best interests of her children in mind at all times. So it certainly wasn't me who, after a middle-of-the-night feeding, lazily put Callan right back down in the co-sleeping bassinet in our room without changing his diaper, completely dismissing the sound emitted from the southern end of his body as "just air" when it, in all likelihood, was not...

What's that? Ummm...as a matter of fact, NO, I am not eating pizza again while blogging this. Even if I were, I certainly wouldn't whine about it later tonight when Callan has a bellyache.

I also have not been completely terrible about returning e-mails, facebook messages and phone calls over the past month.

Regardless of the demands of having an infant and two toddlers (and the inherent logistical impossibility of having five minutes to myself during any given day), it was absolutely not me who chose sleep over good hygiene, and only managed to shower twice over the course of six or seven days last week. TMI, I know. Sorry. Something about delivering a baby in front of complete strangers makes TMI just spontaneously pop out of your mouth (and also onto your blog, apparently...) for a few weeks afterwards.

For example, after being harassed about having only one (partially) painted toenail at practice the other night, I certainly did not then announce to the entire choir, worship team, and band that I also had just managed to shave my legs for the first time in a month. Not me!

Let it be known that I do not squander my time, nor do I waste opportunity. Therefore, it is not me who is blogging while all three boys are asleep. Breaking the cardinal rule of new motherhood, I know. Until you consider that while that is the cardinal rule of new motherhood, the cardinal rule of young motherhood is, "if all the kids are sleeping and you attempt to take a nap yourself, someone will inevitably wake up screaming." 

I am, unfortunately, still wrestling with the postpartum emotional roller coaster. To try and remedy (or at least weather) the more difficult spells, I've been pep-talking myself with timeless wisdom from a highly revered source. That source may or may not be an animated Disney flick involving a talking llama and the voice talent of David Spade:

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I'd love to hear about all of the things you didn't do this week! Scroll down and click on the comment link to leave a note. "Not Me!" Monday is an incredibly fun, blogging carnival started by MckMama on her blog. Basically, it's where we all can be brutally honest about our imperfections and admit parts of our week that we'd rather not have happened.