"Not Me!" Monday

Hey friends! As many of you know, I got the idea for "Not Me!" Monday from MckMama's blog. Please be in prayer for her nine-month-old son Stellan, who is back in the hospital dealing with serious complications from a heart condition. He is a trooper, and MckMama is a blessing to the blogging world, transparently living out her faith to see God glorified. We want to see God work a miracle in this little baby boy!

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Are you feeling embarrased this week that your child urinated all over your grandmother's white sofa? Or maybe you continuously forgot to mail a baby gift to a friend...for three solid months? Perhaps you're just dying to reveal your frustration at your son's inexplicable urge to color everything in your living room yellow. Whatever the reason, you've come to the right place to divulge the most ridiculous parts of your week, and feel completely normal! "Not Me!" Monday is all about free therapy - being brutally honest about life and living to tell about it.

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I'm beginning to think that these wonderfully therapeutic venting sessions are always going to include a story about one of the boys urinating on something other than a toilet, or in a place that very decisively is not a bathroom. A little redundant maybe, but probably even more surprising that it has taken me this long to accept the reality that my darling boys are just as inherently programmed to "mark their territory" as the rest of the male species (or maybe I should just say male "gender," seeing as how the species doesn't seem to matter...)

Ahhh, well. What'cha gonna do? Boys will be boys, and potty training doesn't happen overnight. (And you darn well better not tell me if it did happen overnight for one of your kids...) So it's a good thing I kept this calm reasoning in the forefront of my mind when Kayden urinated all over the living room carpet - again. Surely, I didn't completely lose it and yell at him. That mother would be lacking in self-control, patience, and compassion for her small child who is, after all, just barely three. And I know he didn't do it on purpose, and that yelling at him serves no purpose at all in expediting the training process. In fact, I'm a champion of positive reinforcement. I never yell.

And since I know how ridiculously frustrating it is to have to mop up urine (although it certainly isn't something I am used to doing, because my children have superior control of their bodily functions), I was the epitome of understanding when, later in the week, Kyler had to deal with a similar episode. Yes, when Kyler was in the upstairs bathroom getting the boys ready for bed, and Kayden was screaming because he did not want to use the toilet before bedtime, and I heard my sweet husband growing increasingly frustrated, I did not climb the stairs to tell him to get-a-grip-I-do-this-seventeen-times-a-day-with-grace. Nope. We've established that I am understanding and kind. Always.

Kyler's outbursts were actually due to the fact that while he was desperately trying to placate Kayden, his youngest son had urinated on the floor of the bathroom behind him and he (Kyler), not knowing this, had proceeded to sit down right in the puddle of urine. And when I discovered this, being the kind and understanding wife that I always am...

I did not just stand in the doorway of the bathroom and laugh hysterically.

So the yelling episode from earlier in the post occurred early in the week, after I had slept a total of only three hours the night before (certainly not due to the antics of my two sweet sons or the perpetual acrobatics of my soon-to-be-born third son). In fact, that same day, it definitely wasn't me who...

...spent a chunk of the morning just lying on the couch exhausted, while the boys watched "Horton Hears a Who"....twice.

...dumped a huge pile of clean laundry on our bed and then, when I didn't get to it by the boys' naptime, lazily just snuggled underneath it and went to sleep.

...selfishly sent Kayden to Vacation Bible School with Kyler that evening, even though he had a nose running like a faucet. (Shhhhh! It wasn't me, the youth pastor's wife, who broke the rules!)

And just in case you're wondering, NO, it wasn't me who had yellow cake and chocolate frosting for breakfast one morning. And after that breakfast of champions, I didn't again give in to cravings and have ice cream for lunch. I know better, have more self-control, and with only four weeks to go in this pregnancy, am definitely most fixated on healthy weight gain. Hmmmm....do oatmeal raisin cookies sound good to anyone else?

Our church held Vacation Bible School every evening this week. It wasn't over until 9pm each night, and since Kyler is on staff and tried to help wrap things up, he often didn't get home until at least 10pm. I stayed at home so I could get just a few stinkin' minutes of peace, errr....I mean, so I could relax and rest my tired pregnant body for the health and well-being of myself and our unborn son. This did not result in our 2- and 3-year-old taking complete and total rule of the roost and generally not making it into bed until nearly midnight every night. We are more responsible than that.

While doing the dishes on Thursday, the faucet handle did not just come off in my hand while the water was running at full tilt. The sink certainly did not then stop up and begin to fill with exceedingly hot water while I frantically called Kyler. Then, when he didn't answer his phone, it wasn't me who left a snarling message, hung up and proceeded to try and get my large pregnant self down onto the floor and into the cupboard under the sink to try and figure out which of the eighteen knobs turned off the water. Nope. Not in my house.

And finally, it was not my idea to traumatize my children when we tried to cut the boys' hair on Friday morning. That was most definitely my husband's doing (and not because he recognized the signs of emotional breakdown written all over my face as well as the boys, and ordered me away). We were all unprepared for the emotional scarring that ensued. So, the boys may both look like they each have a bad case of mange, but their hair is cut. And just so you know, if you see a couple of boys running around next summer that highly resemble the pre-school version of Hanson, it won't be my kids.

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So how did your week go? I'd love to hear about all of the things you didn't do this week! Scroll down and click on the comment link to leave a note. "Not Me!" Monday is an incredibly fun, blogging carnival started by MckMama on her blog, my charming kids. Basically, it's where we all can be brutally honest about the ridiculous things that will inevitably happen in everyday life.