"Not Me!" Portraits

Well, this started as part of a "Not Me!" Monday post, but became so involved that I decided to give it its very own post. I'm just nice like that. So, some of it has a "Not Me!" flair. And some of it doesn't. I know you'll understand.

While we were in Texas, I decided to have the boys' picture taken at JC Penney's. I had quite a few coupons, and I've been meaning to take them for awhile. Like, since Kayden was a baby. Oops. Anyway, I'm no fool. I know these studios aren't professional grade by any stretch of the imagination. I mean, I'm no professional photographer, and I take a few pretty stinkin' good photos now and then. But I don't have the professional lighting for a portrait-style shot. So, off to Penney's we went.

The boys were in a great mood when we arrived. I was really looking forward to getting some great shots. And then the photographer informed us she was running behind (after her first appointment of the day, mind you). We were her third appointment. She asked us to return in half an hour, giving her time to finish with her first appointment and shoot her second appointment.

So off we went on a great adventure around the store. We looked at books. We looked at picture frames. We looked at lawn furniture, little boys' underwear, and socks. Mommy bought a big-girl purse. Well, Omie bought Mommy a big-girl purse. I don't blame her. I've had the same purse since college, a cheap, black sack of a thing from the Old Navy clearance bin. It was so time.

We looked at shirts, and found a couple with coupons for the portrait studio (hooray! more coupons!) We browsed the shoes and contemplated replacing some that were ruined in our house flood. We looked at toys, we lost my middle son played hide-and-seek in large racks of clothing, and we sat down on benches.

We did not pull the arms off of mannequins. You know, in case you were wondering. Ahem.

A half-hour passed, and we headed back to the portrait studio. As we rolled on in, the photographer was saying goodbye to her first appointment. No really, her first appointment.

Now, I know what you're thinking. We must have just turned around and given up. No sense in letting the boys get all grumpy. Just wasn't going to happen.

Well. That would have been smart.

At this point, it really just became a battle of the wills. I was determined to get pictures taken. Even so, it wasn't me who dragged my poor children half a mile to the other end of the shopping center and Target, where we ate lunch. A couple of yogurts, personal pizzas, turkey sandwiches, apple slices, and Icees later, we trudged back to Penney's. Iron resolve, I'm telling you.

The photo sessions began. It was not my boys who resisted pretty much every attempt to position them for a photo. They did not roll around on their bellies, growl at the camera, and stomp around when they should have been sitting. The photo lady did not miss about a gazillion perfect candid shots, and it definitely wasn't me who barely maintained composure as she blamed Kayden for her inability to keep the boys corralled and take a good shot. Nope. And I certainly didn't want to yell, "He's only three, you nincompoop!" yank the camera right out of her hands, and take the pictures myself. Uh-uh. Not me.

Despite my frustrations, we did end up with a few cute shots. Like this one:

Keep in mind, I am not a germophobe. But I am decently concerned about germs. So when Callan just grabbed that bat and started gnawing on it, I did not simultaneously say, "Hurry! Take it!" and "Eewwww! Get that thing out of your mouth!!!" Nope. Not me.

Lesson learned. Portraits are cute, but I get too frustrated, and they just aren't for my boys. (For the record though, with all of my coupons I got $120 of prints for $30, and no sitting fees.) Anyway...so when you come over to visit, please smile politely when you see our pictures. They'll be lovingly framed candids of our boys doing what they do best: throwing dirt, eating bugs, and wielding sticks like samurai swords. Betcha' won't get that in a portrait studio.

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