I'm surprised I've made it so long without a post about a worship song that has spoken into my life recently. Well, maybe I'm not. There have been plenty of potential posts brewing, just no time to blog about them! Hmmm....I should rephrase again. Mostly, I just want to sleep, or sit, or tackle projects that have been lying around for days, months, and years. And with my Mom here to help with the boys before the baby comes, I can. So I do. It's been wonderful!

I sang on the worship team this past Sunday, for the last time before the baby comes. I guess I could sing again this week, but maybe it's best I stick to my original plan of avoiding something awkward like I dunno, my water breaking in the middle of "Lord, Reign In Me." Well, we don't really sing that song anymore, but you know what I mean.

I digress. I've been doing a lot of that lately.

As I've blogged before, it never ceases to amaze me how God uses music to speak into my life, and how He uses songs I've known for ages to speak new truths into my heart, depending on what road I happen to be walking at the time. In fact, the depths and angles that some songs have and the applications He allows me to realize are often surprising.

That isn't so much the case this week, but the song is powerful and transforming nonetheless:

I'm giving You my heart, and all that is within
I lay it all down, for the sake of You my King
giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights
giving up my pride, for the promise of new life

And I surrender

All to You, all to You
And I surrender
All to You, all to You

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross
all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You, for the glory of Your name

To know the lasting joy, even sharing in your pain

And I surrender
All to You, all to You
And I surrender
All to You, all to You

"Surrender" / Vineyard Music / 2000


The song is pretty straightforward in its simplicity about what we should be doing with our lives. And as is the case so often, we make it so difficult and complicated. At least I do.

It's easy to share our hope in Christ when things are out of our control, or rather, when we feel out of control (altogether another issue in and of itself, don't you think?) Well, that's too black-and-white. Clearly, it isn't easy, and I guess sometimes it's more of a wild-animal-backed-into-a-corner sort of choice. Just hear my heart, here. I guess I mean it can be easier to fall back on the arms of Jesus when we feel as though our world is spinning out of control and we have not other choice. Not always the case, but anyway...doesn't it have the potential to be even more of a testimony (or at least an equally strong one) when we feel like we are in control, and yet we choose to give over control to God? I recognize that this is not how "surrender" is usually portrayed. We surrender when we have no other option.

And yet, there is so much freedom (and comfort) in knowing that we don't have to be in control! In trusting, with every fiber of our being, in our Creator and Sustainer, for the things that He has planned for us and promises are good. (This doesn't mean we always understand His plans, or agree that our current circumstances are good, but again, another issue...)

It's been difficult for me to wait on God's timing for this baby to arrive. I want to see him, hold him, and bond with him. Most of all, I want reassurance that he is alright. Trusting that he is in fact, healthy and growing without difficulty has been something I have continually struggled to believe since our appointment with the perinatologist at 27 weeks gestation. (See posts here and here for the whole story.) And, many days it's just plain discomfort and impatience driving those desires.

Singing "Surrender" on Sunday morning was a much needed reminder for me that there is freedom in relinquishing control to the One I know is already in control. He already holds me and my precious babe in the palm of His hand, and there is no better place, no better timing, and no better plan than those that He has for me.

For the sake of knowing Him, and giving glory to His name, it is certainly worth the peace I find when I finally lay down my pride, my feeling of "owning" my life (when I know full well I do not), and especially any plans I may presume are better (in my limited understanding).

As it turns out, surrender and peace go hand in hand.

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