"Not Me!" Monday

Totally frustrated that your post-baby wardrobe either falls off or cuts off your circulation? Wondering if anyone else's child uses the back of their living room sofa as a canvas for his personal artwork? No worries! "Not Me!" Monday was written just for you. It frees me up to admit my many imperfections, and vent about the absolutely ridiculous things that are my everyday. Enjoy at my expense, and join in the fun by commenting below!

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Last week, I laughed and commented on a friend's facebook post about her accidentally "making cottage cheese" in a sippy cup. You know, leaving milk in it so long that it curdles into a disgusting, rotting mess? Totally been there. It's gross. Definitely not something you want to happen on a regular basis. Or ever. So it wasn't me who mere days later, discovered not one but three sippy cups full of either curdled milk or fermented apple juice in our car.

Not me! I clean out our car on a regular basis. Yep. Every time we leave the vehicle, it is spic 'n' span and ready for the next family outing. Which is why it is rather remarkable that there is a car that eerily looks exactly like ours sitting in our driveway, completely trashed from a recent week-long trip. Couldn't be ours, though. Weird coincidence.

In a similar vein, if you live with small children, you surely know it is rather easy to keep the house spotless pretty much continually. I mean, how hard could it be, really? So when we left for our family trip to meet our new niece on Monday, the house was immaculate. Seriously, I have no clue where that sink full to the brim of disgusting, stinking dishes came from. I never run out of time to get to each and every household chore. And I especially wouldn't leave a sink full of dishes before we left on a trip. Because, you know, you never do know when a trip you expected would only be one overnight will turn into three overnights. And who wants to return home to a sink full of nasty dishes? Not me!

Two weeks ago, I led worship at church on Sunday morning. After two hours of rehearsal (and just before the first service), I did not totally freak out when I realized I had completely forgotten nursing pads that morning. I also did not tear apart every pocket and compartment of every bag I brought in a desperate attempt to remedy the crisis. Not me!

Perhaps you remember my "While You Were Nursing" post about all of the shenanigans the boys get into while I'm nursing the baby? And you may remember this picture as part of that post:

Certainly, things haven't been so busy (and I haven't so completely given up on salvaging our carpet) that I still haven't gotten around to finishing getting all of the foundation out of the carpet. Nope. And I certainly wouldn't admit it. Not me!

I am not currently feeling so ridiculously guilty about this post that I'll likely delete it. Nope, I'm not so worried everyone will think I'm horribly mean, that someone will comment and say, "Dude, that's my Grandma!", or even worse, that someone will actually recognize the person that I can't stop thinking about it. Ugh.  

If you've had a baby, you know, EVER, than you probably have experienced some sort of post-baby frustration over your wardrobe. Well, unless you're one of those people who walks out of the hospital in their pre-pregnancy jeans. I....ahem....did not do that. Even so, I am not experiencing so much frustration over my ill-fitting clothing that I currently prefer to just wear my husband's t-shirts and boxer shorts around the house, rather than going through and trying to actually figure out where I stand* with the clothing in my closet. (*where I stand = determining which pieces of clothing I am actually capable of squeezing into without removing one, or two, of my ribs.)

While I was cleaning up all of the previously mentioned stinking dishes, Cameron wandered into the kitchen. He loves to help with the dishwasher. This time though, he was just hungry. He discovered the shaker of cinnamon sugar, left on the counter from that morning's breakfast. I certainly did not allow him to unscrew the lid and sniff the contents of the shaker in an attempt to hold off serving lunch until I'd finished loading the dishwasher. I'm smarter than that. Any dummy can guess what happens if you give a two-year-old a shaker full of something. So it wasn't me who, upon turning back to load some dishes, was totally flustered to find that my mischievous son had absolutely shaken cinnamon and sugar 'til his heart's content (well, until I stopped him, anyway) all over the floor and open door of the dishwasher. Nope, not this Momma. 

Speaking of mischievous, during one of our family's trips to the hospital to visit our new niece, we were not so naughty as to concoct a plan that involved my mother-in-law carrying our six-week-old around the hallways of the maternity wing, just to see if he'd be mistaken for a newborn and she'd get in trouble with the nursing staff. Not my family. We're more respectful and responsible than all that.

(Oh - he was and she did.) Ahem...

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"Not Me!" Monday is an incredibly fun, blogging carnival started by MckMama. Basically, it's where we all can be brutally honest about the ridiculous things that happen in our lives. Follow this link to her blog, where you can read hundreds more fun stories about all of the things that she and everyone else didn't do this week. And, join in the "Not Me!" fun and leave me a comment about all of the things you didn't do this week!