"Not Me!" Monday

Welcome! Are you feeling embarrassed this week that your house was a total disaster when your husband's grandmother dropped in for a visit? Or maybe you opened the washer to find you had washed a Pull-Up along with all of the kids' clothing? Perhaps you're just totally frustrated that your kids never fail to totally soil their bedsheets right after you wash them. No worries! "Not Me!" Monday was written just for you. It frees me up to admit my many imperfections and vent about the absolutely ridiculous things that are my everyday. Enjoy at my expense, and join in the fun by commenting below!

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Last week I was miserable. Callan's pediatrician, in an attempt to stall an inevitable trip to the gastroenterologist for his persistent reflux, suggested I cut out all dairy for a week and then give him a call to see if Callan's symptoms improved at all. Turns out I eat a lot of dairy. A lot. I discovered that most of my "go-to" snacks for sustaining myself throughout a busy day are dairy: yogurt, cheese cubes, large glasses of milk, etc. And I was a grumpy mess of a Mommy without them. On top of that, the main dish at our leadership retreat was my favorite: lasagna. And on the last day of the retreat we all went out for lunch at, of course, The Cheesecake Factory. Seriously?! I hadn't been there in like four years. Ugh. After the week was up, I called the pediatrician this past Tuesday, only to find out that he was out the entire rest of the week for Thanksgiving. Seeing as how Callan's reflux or colic hadn't improved in the least with the diet change, I certainly didn't take matters into my own hands and decide to begin eating dairy again without speaking with the pediatrician first. Nope. And I definitely didn't reintroduce it with an enormous midnight binge on a carton of ice cream. No way. Not me!

During the Thanksgiving holidays, I did not catch my son running in circles around his grandmother's house, chasing his brother and cousin, blowing large, slimy, disgusting chunks of snot from his nose as he ran. Nope. Not my child!

I am a total scaredy-cat when it comes to dramatic, tension-filled movies or TV shows. I won't watch horror flicks and literally cover my eyes at intensely violent scenes. So even though I read the synopsis and knew the episode was about a serial killer, and I knew it would freak me out with Kyler away hunting, I did not plop right down in front of the computer and watch NCIS anyway on Wednesday night. (And it didn't keep me up for hours, imagining that every noise was a posse of black-clad ninjas climbing in through the windows to carry us all away....) Not me! 

My mother-in-law's bathroom is now the cleanest in town. Just in case, you know, you had an emergency and needed to stop by. This is not due to the fact that my precious three-year-old, in insisting to stand to urinate like Daddy and in the process discovering some of the mess-making capabilities of his male anatomy, has urinated all over it no less than five times in the past four days. Not my child!

Speaking of bathroom accidents, (isn't that a great way to start a sentence?!) it was not my dear nephew who took matters into his own hands after all of the adults in the house were clearly too dense to pick up on the fact that he needed his diaper changed. I did not walk by the hallway bathroom just in time to find him standing in front of the toilet, poopy diaper around his ankles and its contents spilling all over the floor, with a giant wad of toilet paper stuck up his rear end. Nope. It also was not me who was then, ahem, fortunate enough to be the one to clean up this mess of diaper, toilet tissue, and runaway toddler poop balls (that's right, I said it) while all of the other adults in the house were (or promptly made sure they were) otherwise engaged with Thanksgiving preparations. Not me!

Cameron got into a large canister of bird seed at his grandmother's house this week. (Seriously, the kid is an ox. He weighs 35lbs. and can schlep a 15lb. can of birdseed around the house. Nuts.) After he dumped some of it on the floor, his grandmother made him clean it up with the vacuum. Cam loves vacuuming with their central vac system. But he obeys the rules at all times. So he didn't continue to dump large quantities of birdseed throughout our stay there, just so he could vacuum it up. And during our final night there last night, it wasn't my husband who finally got a clue and made him pick every last seed and kernel up by hand. We are certainly all much faster to catch on to our toddler's schemes.

During a rare family outing to a restaurant for dinner yesterday, my husband did not have to jump up and literally chase Cameron through the restaurant after he "escaped" from our booth. Twice. And Kayden didn't chase after him. And the boys definitely weren't both squealing with glee as they ran. And I most certainly did not just sit there, "attending to the baby," pretending that the rest of my family wasn't running laps around normal families (who don't have to chain their toddlers to their seats after they finish eating). Nope. Not me!

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"Not Me!" Monday is an incredibly fun, blogging carnival started by MckMama. In a nutshell, it's where we all can be open about the ridiculous things that happen in our lives. Join in the "Not Me!" fun and leave a comment about all of the things you didn't do this week!