"Not Me!" Monday

Welcome! Are you feeling embarrassed this week for allowing your children to eat their fill of animal crackers for breakfast? Or maybe you continuously forgot to mail a baby gift to a friend...for three solid months? Perhaps you're just dying to reveal your utter disgust at your son's inexplicable urge to stand and pee on his brother in the midst of a bath. No worries! "Not Me!" Monday was written just for you. It frees me up to admit my many imperfections, and vent about the absolutely ridiculous things that are my everyday. Enjoy at my expense, and join in the fun by commenting below!

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This Halloween, I dressed up as a pregnant lady. Yep. Pretty mediocre as costumes go. But hey, it was an efficient and financially responsible costume. Took me five minutes to put together and cost absolutely nothing. My clothes still don't fit properly, and I haven't put the maternity clothes away yet anyway, so why not?! I thought it would be a funny little joke, considering I just was pregnant and would be carrying around a two-month-old infant. Guess the joke was on me. It certainly wasn't nearly all of the volunteers at our church "Trunk-or-Treat" event who didn't even notice it was only a costume! Nope. Surely, they didn't see me and think, "Oh, there's Heather. Pregnant as usual. Guess she didn't want to dress up this year." What kind of statement is that, exactly?

Don't answer that.


It was not my sweet middle son who hauled off and peed all over me while I sat down on the floor to change his diaper before nap time this week. Nope. Not my kid. And he certainly didn't do it on purpose, what with his potty training going so successfully and all.

Packing for a trip with an infant is like packing up your whole life. Seriously. And it's challenging enough when you are expecting to take that trip. Throw in an unexpected trip that you have all of 12 hours to prepare for, knowing you are going to see folks, some of which you haven't seen in years, just a few hours after you get off the plane, and it's like an Olympic sport. Nevertheless, as I very quickly threw together a suitcase for myself and Callan this week, I did not for one second take my eyes off of my other children. I absolutely didn't neglect to keep an eye on Cameron, who somehow always finds a way to get into that one thing I left unattended or inadvertently left out. So I did not walk into the kitchen on Friday morning to find him finger painting on our kitchen table with honey. Honey that I'd left out from our cookie baking a few nights back. Loads of honey that he'd squirted out onto the table. Fistfuls of honey. Nope, not my kid!

I certainly didn't just shrug and mutter "oh well," continuing to go about my business while he quietly amused himself for another 15 minutes, just to buy me some uninterrupted packing time. Not me!

My husband and I take care of our cars. We really do. It's just, life is a little overwhelming at present. We're still in that "adjustment period" after adding another child to our brood. You know, trying to figure out how to juggle three children with only two arms. Switching from man-to-man to zone defense. Negotiating an infant who can't hold his own head up and two toddlers who have darn nearly perfected the throw-my-body-on-the-floor-and-go-absolutely-limp-so-that-no-living-soul-other-than-maybe-an-American-Gladiator-could-move-it-without-injuring-themselves temper tantrum technique. Even so, we haven't let that put a wrench in the gears of our finely-tuned car maintenance routine. No sir. So that family that you saw begging kind strangers to help them jump their car battery at home that one day, and then again at the grocery store after putting perishable groceries in the trunk, and then again in the Target parking lot on Halloween, in the rain, with the windows stuck down, while the young mother sat trying to nurse her screaming baby....you know that family? Not mine! We can recognize the telltale signs of complete and total car battery death, necessitating the need for a brand new battery. And we'd replace it right away, instead of putting it off for a week or two. We are not procrastinators.

And we didn't have to jump it again on the way to the airport on Friday.

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"Not Me!" Monday is an incredibly fun, blogging carnival started by MckMama. In a nutshell, it's where we all can be open about the ridiculous things that happen in our lives. Join in the "Not Me!" fun and leave a comment about all of the things you didn't do this week!