"Not Me!" Monday

 

Welcome! Are you feeling guilty for quickly sneaking away from the baby food aisle after your toddler had an accident in the grocery store? Wondering if you're ever going to have a wardrobe that contains even one blouse that isn't "decorated" with stains from all of your beloved children? Perhaps you just gave in and let your children watch seven episodes of "Handy Manny"...in a row. No worries! "Not Me!" Monday was written just for you. It frees me up to admit my many imperfections and vent about the absolutely ridiculous things that are my everyday. Enjoy at my expense, and join in the fun by commenting below!

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I try immensely hard to be considerate. Usually, that is. I generally try to open doors for people, help others with bags, and put things back where they belong. So even after an exhausting day out with the babe, one where I spent half of my time running errands appeasing him by dancing around in front of his car seat in the cart, it definitely wasn't me who just left the shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot, disregarding all rules of common parking lot etiquette and ignoring the little cart corral a mere 30 steps away. Nope. Not me!

My children are well-behaved and well-mannered. They say "Please" and "Thank you" regularly. They cough and sneeze into their elbows. They even say "Excuse Me" pretty frequently. So it certainly wasn't my now four-year-old (Happy Birthday today, Kayden!!), the child who has had the most practice with the aforementioned skills, who wiped his snot all over the wall in the middle of the night, and pointed out all of the crusty smears to his grandmother first thing the next morning. Nope. Not my child!

Callan, our eight-month-old, has had a rough week this week. He's waking more frequently during the night, oftentimes crying loudly when he does. After a particularly sleepless night this week, he woke up crying again about 6am. It certainly wasn't me who sleepily rolled over and, annoyed, asked my husband, "Are you going to turn that thing off, or what?!" as if my baby were an alarm clock. Nope. Not this Momma!

Since I'm going back to work today, I decided I probably ought to find myself a few things that don't have baby spit-up emblazoned all over them to wear. You know, out of consideration for all the other teachers who have to look at me all day. After becoming so totally frustrated that the bargain store had very little that fit my disproportionate, I've nursed three babies, tall but not slim, my-kid-has-acid-reflux-and-it-shows, I'm-not-a-teenager-but-I-don't-feel-matronly-thank-you-very-much body...I did not give in and buy a little girl's size tube top dress to wear as a skirt. Not me!

Over the years I have discovered that my primary love language is time. This totally explains why Wednesdays are generally tough for me. Kyler leaves early for meetings, works through the day, has middle school ministry until 8:30pm and college minstry after that. He's usually out until roughly 1-2am on those nights, talking with college students, building relationships, and often having some good faith conversations with them. This week was no different. But even though I miss him and wish he'd stick around a tad bit longer on Thursday morning, I sooo did not put every pair of his jeans in the washer while he was still sleeping, thus guaranteeing he wouldn't leave for another hour (after getting in after 3am...) Not me! I totally wouldn't intentionally, selfishly sabotage my husband's schedule like that. Nope.

It was not me who totally got schooled by my three-year-old (now four-year-old!!!) on our Bible verse for the week. Oops. I mean...that was his Dad.

I don't know how, but I've managed to make through the past 31 years without a single drop of self-tanning lotion. I think I've boycotted it on pure principle. Not that I haven't needed it, mind you. Skin only comes a wee bit paler than mine. So anyway, who knows what compelled me to pick some up this week and give it a go. Turns out it's pretty mild stuff. Also turns out that the package actually tells the truth. The pigment adheres quite readily to dry skin. It totally was not me who paid absolutely zero attention to this little detail. Nope. It is not my feet that currently look as if I walked through a muddy field and forgot to wash. Uh-uh. Those splotches? I...ahem...meant for them to...uhhh...look just like that. Yep.

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"Not Me!" Monday is an incredibly fun blogging carnival started by MckMama. In a nutshell, it's where we all can be open about the ridiculous things that happen in our everyday lives. Head on over to her blog, where you can read heaps of other great "Not Me!" stories. Or, join in the "Not Me!" fun and leave a comment about all of the things you didn't do this week!