"Not Me!" Monday

 

Welcome! Are you feeling guilty for having a drop-down, drag-out fight with your spouse right before church? Wondering if you're ever going to arrive on time to anything ever again? Perhaps you just gave in and let your children eat granola bars for dinner. No worries! "Not Me!" Monday was written just for you. It frees me up to admit my many imperfections and vent about the absolutely ridiculous things that are my everyday. Enjoy at my expense, and join in the fun by commenting below!

*********************************************

This week, I did not have so much going on at dinnertime that I directed my two-year-old to feed his eight-month-old brother. Not me! Such carelessness would result in vegetables everywhere, and we do not have messy mealtimes around here, ever. Nope.

 

My middle child is an angel. There isn't a stubborn bone in his body, and he certainly isn't one to push the envelope or break the rules. Shoot, he follows rules I haven't even made up yet. Ahem. He never requires punishments, whether they be time outs, loss of a treasured items, or even spankings. And when said punishment is carried out, for whatever reason, it is always effective, he never disobeys or mouths off, and the behavior never occurs again. After all, he is only two, and everyone knows, the twos are a breeze. Ahem. So, when he made a major infraction this week and his father punished him with a spanking, he most certainly did not turn right around, brush off his bottom, stare down his father and reply, "I wiped your spanking off, Daddy." No way. Not my son.

It was not this very same child who later hauled off and peed all over his mother in the middle of a diaper change. Nope. Not this child, who is very nearly potty trained, has not done this in quite possibly an entire year, and has enough control that he stopped mid-stream. Uh-uh. I'm telling you, it was not my kid.  

As many of you know, I started working as a long-term substitute again this past week. And working means pumping, because I'm committed to continue nursing Callan until he is ready to wean. So because the classroom I am in is constantly being used, I head out to my car twice a day to pump. The peace and quiet is actually a nice respite from the busyness of the school building. Except last week, the fifth grade DARE graduation ceremony was also going on, so the parking lot was packed. Now, I park a good deal out in the parking lot, where there are normally no other cars, and my car faces a bunch of shrubs. But on this day, of course, there were cars and cars on both sides of mine. And as I sat there in my car with the air conditioner running and the radio on, I was grateful that whatever assembly was going on wasn't going to let out any time soon. Oh, but it did. I must have been in a hurry when I got out to my car, because I left my Nalgene water bottle on the top of my car. Wait. How do I know this, you ask? Well. It's certainly not because a wonderfully nice parent went out of her way to walk over to my car and knock on my driver's side window to let me know. And no, it's not me who was so mortified that I smiled sheepishly and dismissed her, mouthing the words, "It's okay, really, it is..." as she turned away. And again, it's not me who did this without even considering that not allowing her to retrieve my water bottle would only cause more wonderfully nice parents to approach the lady pumping milk in her car to warn her not to drive off without retrieving the water bottle on her roof. Oh, but they did.....

It is not my son who, along with his partner in crime cousin of the same age, decided a makeover was in order this Mother's Day.  Nope. We didn't discover the two of them "sharing" diaper rash cream, painting each other's faces, hair, clothing, and other places I'll refrain from mentioning on this blog. 

No way. 

They had not emptied nearly two entire tubes of the stuff, and it wasn't the super-sticky overnight kind, either.

And no, those aren't his dress clothes he's still wearing, either.

I'm not sure what it is with this kid and painting his feet.

Remember this post from a few months ago??
(If you don't, just click the picture to refresh your memory...) 

Weirdo.

Nope. Not me, not my kids!!

*********************************************

"Not Me!" Monday is an incredibly fun blogging carnival started by MckMama. In a nutshell, it's where we all can be open about the ridiculous things that happen in our everyday lives. Head on over to her blog, where you can read heaps of other great "Not Me!" stories. Or, join in the "Not Me!" fun and leave a comment about all of the things you didn't do this week!